This morning Straw and I were watching the bunny eating carrots and our conversation went something like this:
Straw: “Man, he was hungry.”
Me: “Look at how big he’s getting. A bunny is just a rat in a cuter outfit.”
Straw: “Yeah it is. You know, I read somewhere that you can potty train rabbits.”
As he was saying this, he looked up at me, waiting. What he meant was, “you should potty train our rabbit.”
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
You sometimes have moments in your life where all of a sudden, somewhere far off in your head, you hear circus music playing. This was one of those moments.
I could just see my “to do” list for the week:
1. Get through mountain of laundry
2. Go grocery shopping
3. Take care of all my three year old’s needs
4. Try to hit the gym so I someday avoid elastic waist pants
5. Put in the time to research, plan and potty train our rabbit
Sorry Straw, not high on the priority list.
This is the difference when you have a husband who works and a wife who stays at home. In his mind, I’m drinking mojitos and fanning myself in the sun while I pop bon bons in my mouth and watch reruns of “Oprah” and “The Hills” while my son naps.
“Do you mind picking up some face wash for me and oh yeah, can you potty train the rabbit?”
Face wash, yes. Bunny, no. Is this a priority? Is there somewhere that I would have bragging rights for a potty trained rabbit? Am I striving to be one of those moms in my small town who weigh 110 pounds, have a perfectly clean house, a well mannered kid and a potty trained rabbit?
(Insert circus music here).
My big goal this summer is to get my son to swim on his own. And if I did potty train the rabbit, what would be next? Teach her how to sing?
Her name is Beyonce after all.
I have to say, I’m a little speechless. I’ve gotten our dog to go outside, our 3 year old son to pee in the toilet, and now the rabbit? We going for the animal-baby trifecta triple ring here? Is there a potty trophy of some sort, because if so, I think my husband has my name already engraved on it. And I would enter that realm of freak-dom – you know those people. Women who have 30 cats and answer the door wearing sequins. The head knight at “Medieval Times.” Middle aged men who have mastered “World of Warcraft” and are now on a speaking tour. Serial killers. And the woman in the J.Crew shorts who POTTY TRAINED BEYONCE!
I can barely get myself to pee in the toilet. Try doing jumping jacks at the gym for 2 minutes while listening to a little Timberlake and biting your lip so you don’t have a full release. And I had a C-section for chrissakes.
Hey Straw, how about YOU potty train the rabbit? And sign up for more swim classes. And buy P new shoes. And schedule the house cleaner, do the grocery shopping and pick up stuff from the dry cleaner.
You have to remember that you have a “need to have” list and a “want to have” list and luckily I don’t have a “are you fucking crazy?” list because potty training a bunny would be right at the top.
Good luck with that. I’ll be chuckling at you and drinking my mojito in the corner.
(Insert circus music here).
And if you’re curious, here’s how to properly potty train your rabbit.