I apologize if you’ve read this story already.
I had posted it to another one of my blogs a year or so ago, but when the story came up at a party, none of my friends had heard it so I’m retelling it.
When I was a freshman in high school, I was head over heels in love with William* (*names have been changed to protect these poor boys I write about on my blogs). We would ride MUNI in the summertime and go to the mall, hang out with friends and give each other hickeys (I know my last personal post was about kissing another guy but that’s basically all I did in high school. The thought of anyone touching me was beyond frightening).
As a token of my affection, I thought it would be a good idea to make a mix tape for Will. I was going to take all my favorite songs the tunes that summed up that summer of love for us and put them all together for him (and of course write out all the titles and artists). Me with my outlandish creativity mixed with naivety made for the perfect storm of an embarrassing moment.
I thought it would be fun to add Aerosmith’s “Love in An Elevator” to Will’s tape. You remember the song. And the video. And the intro right? If you don’t, in the beginning of the song, a woman’s voice comes on, as if she’s in an elevator and says:
“Second floor, hardware, children’s wear, lady’s lingerie.
Oh, good morning, Mr. Tyler.
Well, in my 14 year old mind I thought it would be cool to dub in my voice in the intro. Instead of her saying, “Mr. Tyler” I recorded me saying, “Mr. Will….Going down?”
I thought I was being super savvy.
I played this for my mom. She thought it was so sweet and creative. Little did she know I was basically promising fellatio to my high school boyfriend on audio.
And here I was thinking, she really is referring to going down. In the elevator. Like, as in the bottom floor of the store. Not like “going down” in the sexual sense because at that time I had no idea what that was even about. Or if it happened to rock stars who now look like middle age women. Or high school kids. Or if my boyfriend was super excited when he heard it because he thought he was getting more than a mixed tape.
And my mom thought this was cute.
And too bad the title “Love in an Elevator” was completely over my head.